And she built them.
Strong and mighty, thick and limitless.
There were walls around her, making it impossible to fully submit her love to you;for her heart was guarded now.
Everything was guarded; her thoughts, her feelings, important doubts were kept not only a measurable distance from you, but from herself as well.
Because saying them would make the thoughts concrete-she would be handing her glass heart over to you again, fragile and vulnerable.
& she wasn’t ready to spend another month picking up the shattered pieces.
I had the pride you knew she lacked,
Laughing as you came crawling back.
I miss those regal nights.
Freedom driven, wind inhaling my hair
Gliding on midnight through the streets of epiphany.
Everyone was touching you and you ran away…but when I walked up you crawled into my lap. Such a magical moment(:
You weren’t much of a talker really.
Not much to look at either.
But there was something about you, something all the interesting boys fancied and all the 2 dimensional girls pondered, something that made their Juicy Couture jackets and Chanel Bags seem meaningless.
We bonded, us two both new to this upbeat materialistic town of Greenwood Village, Colorado.
We became something….something extraordinary, something only the two of us could fully comprehend-blondes with no fear.
You had the mystery and I had the spark, we conquered downtown Denver and partied with the band.
You spoke lies and mockery,twisted into false hope and empty promises.
As did I.
The stories and alcohol weren’t enough now, you abandoned me like the rest.
And I abandoned Colorado.
Loved yet abused,
Alone in a filled room.
What am I?
Who am I?
Full of so much love,
Fuelled by hate,
I am lost, in the unknown that is my future.
Never in one place for long,
Always on some new adventure for self-actualization.
Yet when I find it, it’s a lie.
I’m a liar.
I live a lie.
Yet no one knows except for 2.
Am I an angel or a devil?
Bad or Good?
Heaven or Hell?
Elegance without grace,
A constant charade of epitome,
Impacting all, I am nothing.
The best and the worst.
Confused on my path that leads to nowhere
What is my purpose?
Is it safe to say that I hate you?
I hate what you do to me, I hate how I have your pictures on my wall, our past memories tracing my puzzle of a mind, I hate how you think you know me, I hate how you’re all I think about when you’re halfway around the world, I hate how you might still have feelings for her, I hate how you make me feel, I hate how mad you get, I hate how stupid you are, I hate how I can’t survive with out you in my life, I hate how you’re a liar, I hate how there is always a sinking feeling that you might break up with me, I hate how you hold my heart in your hands, I hate how guilty you make me feel for things I don’t do, I hate how when you don’t respond or want to talk I get angry, I hate that you make me hate, I hate how you’re making me write this and become the stereotypical tumblr bitch whining about a boy.
But most of all, I hate that you make me love you.
Usually it would have poured by now, the clouds had settled in surrounding little Debeaubien Drive in darkness.
Lately the clouds have been teasing me, promising me rain and then snatching away the hope for cleanse by clearing up.
I guess we’re a lot alike, the clouds and I.
We both would get worked up and create a dreadfully sad picture; the clouds darkness and my face emptiness when ever I would think about my life with out you.
The thunder would roar and the lightning strike as would my ever changing emotions, yet no rain would fall.
No tears would, either.
When will it finally rain and when will I finally cry?